Why?

“You are united to me: fear nothing” Divine Mercy in my soul # 412

“True greatness of the soul is loving God and in humility” Divine Mercy in my soul # 427

“Fear nothing, I AM with you. All your adversaries will harm you only to the degree that I permit it” Divine Mercy in my soul # 431

“Why?” is not always a bad question to ask of God. My reflective stories come from the same situation but different sides of “Why?” See my book, “I knew His Voice” for the full stories – available in the catalog on my blog homepage and Amazon, in both paperback and Kindle.

“Why?” can be double-edged. The “Why?” asked of God in doubt and fear, in distrust, is sinful but even this “Why?” can move a soul closer to God if the soul allows. But, it is with great risk that the soul questions God.

When my daughter was first diagnosed with Lupus, the very first day after hearing the news, I sat on the train in the morning on the way to work and my mind cried out, “Why God? Why would you do this? Haven’t I done enough with all You’ve asked of me?” This “why?” was more of a prideful, ‘how dare You?” to God than looking to trust His plan. I opened my Bible as part of my normal morning routine, and it fell upon Job. “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth…” Job 38:4 I cried as God condemned my thoughts against Him.

Romans 8:28 says that “in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose” I had just learned this verse in our men’s fellowship group about 2 weeks before this diagnosis. At the same time I didn’t understand the depths of peace one can find in St. Paul’s words while I rested upon this as a pillar.

Within months, her condition degraded greatly. My prayer was one of a father’s worry. “God, I know you can heal her with a simple thought, this miraculous healing would be simple for you. I know you understand why I can’t say ‘Thy will be done’, it is from my love of her.” God kept pressing forward with His plans for my soul. My training. That night in the ICU, I fell to the very pits of despair in prayer. So far, that I couldn’t even pray. That is when God said I was ready to learn.

Over the next years, God kept these moments and lessons on the forefront of my heart. He kept guiding me, teaching me, and more importantly, loving me. I learned that God has never failed me, He has always been present and active in my life, and His love and mercy was always the armor that protected me. From this realization, drawn from the crucible of doubt, fear and mistrust, I understand Romans 8:28. The soul needs always to trust God, in the darkness, fear, worry and sickness. He is always present and working to bring glory to Himself. God doesn’t need more glory nor is there more glory than He already has. But, great glory shines upon the soul that learns to trust in Him, that reflects back to Him.

Now, I still ask “Why?” at times. But, the tone of my prayer now is very different. Now, when I am asking “Why?” of God, it is because I have come to realize that closeness and loving care of the Father for me. This “Why?” is one that looks with hope to the great things God will bring to fruition in the moment I am walking through. This “Why?” is one built on trust, because I know beyond doubt that God has never left me alone nor forsaken me. Never in my life has He left me undefended by His love and mercy, even when I wanted nothing to do with Him. Why would I fear or think He would start now?

So “why?” God are you doing this? What great things will I learn? How will this glorify Your Precious Name? How can I give my fiat and trust You more?