“a thorn was given me in the flesh…Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This reflections started with our Men’s Fellowship meeting Saturday and has been in my prayer and heart since. I look at this as a moment for the soul to see the depths of God’s love for it. We all at least at times if not always ask God for the easiest path through life. Then, many lament when “God doesn’t answer” or “things seem to get worse.” No embarrassment in that thought.
This is the moment that God is asking the soul to trust. He is drawing the soul to the deepest levels of trust. It is natural for a soul to seek the path that is easy and light. Few bit some truly heroic souls we read of in the saints have the fortitude to ask God for suffering. But, even the majority of the greatest ‘suffering’ saints didn’t start with the depths of faith and trust requires to accept the will of God all the way. St. Faustina struggles with God’s will and her worthiness to be a part of it. St. Paul, arguably one of the greatest, an example of faith lived, begged God to remove the thorn from his side.
I in no way compare to any of the saints and feel strange even bringing my story into the same reflection in which any of their heroic lives are spoken. But, I can’t help but think that the many thorns I’ve asked God to remove are all part of my training and lessons in trust.
I’ve begged God remove from me some of my ‘chronic’ sins. He has taken some but left others. I feel the burden of guilt and struggle in the reputation of these sins. I lament my failures and fall to my knees begging God’s mercy, expecting none. And, God speaks to my heart, “in your weakness I AM glorified.” What?!? How? Does this glorify God? A priest in Confession said, every time you commit this sin and turn to God for mercy, you glorify God’s Love and mercy. Don’t sin but never ever stop coming back to Him. And Saturday with the men’s group, I realized that maybe someday when I truly trust God’s Mercy, then He will remove this thorn.
Another story I can think of is formed Over the past decade. When my daughter was first diagnosed and until this day, I beg God in prayer that He would miraculously heal her. I know He can, no doubt. But ten years ago, when He didn’t answer the prayer for healing, I grew bitter towards God. Why wouldn’t He do this one simple thing for which I ask? This would bring Him much glory, my praise of His power would see to that. Now, a decade away from those prayers, I have been given to see that it wasn’t her healing that needed to occur. The more difficult healing that God wanted to bring about was my healing. The healing of my faith and trust. He had to remove my blindness which was far more miraculous than a simple physical healing of my daughter. Yes, God could have healed her 10 years ago, but I know if He had, I would never have moved forward toward Him. He had to say no to one prayer (not that He ever left His protective hand from her or healed her) so that He could do greater works. Because of that ‘unanswered prayer’, I was forced to move out of the place of comfort i was resting within and step out of the boat to trust Jesus. This has paid dividends in my faith journey a million times over and more. Not to mention the impact upon others of the change within me and my journey to learn trust.
God has a plan. Never stop asking His for your needs, easiest road or not. But, in your prayer with God, shift from the surface words to the depths of God’s ocean and strive to draw deeper into what He is teaching you through any moment, good or bad. That is where the seed of trust is planted and that is how this seed will burst forth and grown into a mighty and majestic tree and even a full forest for all to see, learn from and draw hope in.
I would it change any aspect of the journey upon which God has set me upon. He has walked with me every step of the way am drawn me to trust and faith that I would never conceived possible a decade ago.
”I am immensely happy, although I am the least of all; and I would not change anything of what God has given me. I would not want to change places even with a Seraph, as regards the interior knowledge of God which He himself has given me. The intimate knowledge I have of the Lord is such as no creature can comprehend, particularly, the depth of His mercy that envelops me. I am happy with everything You give me.” Divine Mercy in my soul # 1050