Saved by Fear

Can fear be a grace?

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” Ephesians 2:8

My story of how I came to find God fully is a path through darkness with the final steps being those of fear before finally bursting into the light. Maybe not even just fear but terror. I have said that God opened my eyes to His presence and love by ‘scaring the Hell into me.

I had been born and raised Catholic. Never really believing in God and certainly never knowing Him. I had the seeds of faith planted through CCD and weekly Mass with my family. These seeds were planted deep by God.

I walked through decades of hedonistic sin and denial of God through action if not word. I left for the USAF and stopped attending Mass or the Sacraments. Then, I met the woman who would be my wife. She showed me God in action and word. I came back to Mass to be near her. Then, after we married, she bought me a book that broke into the shell of my heart.

The book talked about Christ’s return and how judgment would be cast upon those who didn’t follow Him. I would lay awake at night in fear, knowing that if Jesus came back this day, I was in trouble. I would list people I knew and know they were safe from His wrath but for me, I was doomed.

I had no relationship with God. I knew this verse was documented for me. “whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.” Matthew 10:33.

I started reading the Bible and other books to fix my situation. I swore that I’d never deny God whether in words or actions or lack of either. My first visit to the Sacrament of Reconciliation was cleansing but left me still worried. Slowly through Mass, the Bible and books, I started to see movement in my heart. Then came the movie, “The Passion the Christ” and I knew the depths of Jesus’ love for me.

It didn’t matter how evil or sinful or how many years I denied or ignore Him, He died for me. He died that He could stand before the gates of Hell in a sense to deny my entry.

God opened my eyes to my sinfulness and hell-bound lifestyle through imperfect contrition. Then, taking that fearful mind, He slowly opened my heart to His Divine Mercy. I was sorry for having done the things I had done but had to learn to be sorry for those things. I wasn’t ready in my mind to accept that God would forgive me, so He had to move to slowly to accept that His Mercy is absolute.

Have you ever looked to God’s forgiveness because you feared judgment? Being afraid of punishment is natural for man. Don’t let this be the guide or focus of your heart. Fear of the Lord is not meant that we should be afraid of Him, only that we should be in awe of Him. There is nothing more awe-inspiring than Divine Mercy.

If this sinner can go from sin to standing before an earned judgment of hell to being called by God to be an apostle of Mercy – you can come to see God’s mercy and live to see you to His side even through the way of your sin.