I guarantee one thing today, if you hear His call and turn your eyes and heart toward Jesus, He will change your life, forever.
There is no way to go back to the old self, once you’ve met Jesus. Sure, you could turn away from Him toward your old sinful ways but it will never be the same. Once one sees the light, the darkness is darker.
Jesus will slowly change your soul. He won’t, though He could and might, make your change so dramatic that you change from Saul to Paul in a snap. God is the Potter. He prefers to work slowly with the clay, spinning and molding the soul to become what He designed. He works His Merciful hands from within to mold and shape the soul to become the saint He created. He knows your free will matters great in your choices and He will shape you will to conform with His over time.