“I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel,
who even at night directs my heart.
I keep the Lord ever in my sight:
since he is at my right hand, I shall stand firm. And so my heart rejoices, my soul is glad;
even my body shall rest in safety.“ Psalm 16:7-9
Just because I am saying that now I’m a ‘knower’ vs a believer doesn’t change the worries, fears, doubts or even my sins. I am a man Still walking on the road of faith. Some days I am more like those two disciples at the beginning of their journey to Emmaus and other times, like those men running back to the upper room.
God has called me to continue to walk along the pathways of my life. Those step will undoubtably lead me through some dark days. No doubt I will fall in sin many more times along the way.
“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness“ Romans 8:25-26 Our Lord told St. Faustina, “My daughter, let three virtues adorn you in a particular way: humility, purity of intention and love” Divine Mercy in my soul # 1779
The Lord looks very much at the heart of our intention even over the outcome. If we strive continuously to be a saint and as St. Therese of Lisieux says, “not only saint but a great saint”, we will continue to walk forward and continue to climb the hills to the Lord.
I am like St. Peter and my friend Patrick Campbell in world many ways. Charge forward, run out without thinking, speak boldly and lead. But, like Peter, I also fall and mess up a lot. That’s why he’s such a great example for me. No matter how many times he messed up, he always came back to His Master for forgiveness, he always started new. He jumped out of the boat to walk on water and sunk when he looked at the world, he proclaimed Jesus to me the Messiah then told Him He couldn’t go to the cross and he boldly declared to follow Jesus, even to death and then denied Him three times.
Part of my growth is through my failings and these examples of St Peter of what to do next. Get back up and turn back to Jesus. Again and again and again. Always repent and ask forgiveness and help of Jesus, hesitate to glorify God’s great mercy.
This is how I’ve become a knower! Every time I’ve asked for help, His hand and guidance has been right there (Matthew 5:31). I focus often on my past, no longer on the sins but now on what I’ve learned and how I’ve grown but more even that that, I look to see Jesus. He has always been there in my toughest times, He has always defended me from worse mistakes and always lifted me from the mud when I fell to brush me off, clean me up and help me to move forward again.
I’ve become a knower through one vessel, trust. The more I learn to trust in Jesus and the more I surrender to the Father’s Divine Will, the more I see I have less to worry about. Probably a prime reason why I fall asleep so easily at night. I used to stress and worry through the night but now, I sleep safe and secure in the arms of my Father.
A light went off in my heart once when I was lamenting my sinfulness on a retreat. “How can I not be a saint? How can I still sin knowing all I know of Jesus’ reality and presence?” Read my book “I knew His Voice” (on Amazon) to see a sample of how clear He has made Himself to me. “If I know al these things I’ve experienced, why am I still like this?” I asked a lot of questions. Jesus spoke to my heart saying, “My son, 12 men walked beside me everyday for 3 years. They saw firsthand all the miracles you read in the Gospels. Yet, only one stood with My mother at the cross, 2 betrayed me and only one returned to My Mercy. Just continue to fight and always turn back to Me. You’re in good company.”
Always strive forward, if you struggle in fear, doubt or just don’t know how to move forward, ask Jesus for guidance. If you fall in sin, even the most dire and darkest, turn to Jesus and beg His Mercy. Get back up and let the times you stand up outnumber your falls.
“And even if the sins of soul are as dark as night, when the sinner turns to My mercy he gives Me the greatest praise and is the glory of My Passion. When a soul praises My goodness, Satan trembles before it and flees to the very bottom of hell.” Divine Mercy in my soul # 378
”I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:7-8
“as often as you beg for it, you glorify My Mercy” Divine Mercy in my soul # 1488
Remember, a saint is just a sinner who keeps trying.