Lead me

“when Samuel went to sleep in his place, the Lord came and revealed His Presence, calling out as before, “Samuel, Samuel!”  Samuel answered, “Speak, for your servant is listening.””  1 Samuel 3:10

“Here I am, Lord…is it I, Lord?…I will go, if You lead me…”   We rang out “Here I am, Lord” at the Praise Nation Festival of Praise last Saturday night, hundreds of my brothers and sisters with hands lifted, offering this prayer to the Father, “…is it I, Lord?”   Then Monday night at Life in the Spirit, the Praise Nation guitarist led us in worship again singing out these words.  Very powerful moments for me.  I guess somewhat like Samuel that night.  He wasn’t used to the Lord speaking to him and didn’t recognize God’s voice.  

This is a hard thing for me to say, but I have had a difficult time recognizing God’s voice too.  I say it’s difficult to say because I know beyond doubt that God the Father and Jesus spoke to me, both in my heart and verbally 10 years ago when my daughter was first diagnosed with Lupus and was struggling.  God stepped into my life in a very prominent way to lead me through the darkness of fear, doubt and stresses.  He told me, “Trust me, Ed, I will take care of MY daughter”, “I am her Shepherd”, “Trust me, My son, she has to be sicker before I can make her better”, “trust Me”, “Ed, My son, do you trust me?”, “Trust me, Trust that I love you and won’t let you carry this alone.”   I knew that John 10:27 was given in my heart from His Holy Word specifically for me.

But, though I knew this was God speaking in those days, I failed to truly listen.

Hence, my period of desolation over the following months.  Because I failed to truly listen to God’s Voice in my life, I went from a spiritual high to a foreboding sense of God’s absence.  My failure to truly listen to God’s voice allowed me to sink into a time of worry and stress that threatened to push me away from faith.  The Father finally gave me the response like He did to St. Faustina, “how long will you keep putting Me off?” (Divine Mercy in my soul #9).  God knew at that point that I was ready to listen and so He used other voices to speak to me.  And, in those voices, most impactful were  Father Freedy in that ‘fateful’ confession and my wife’s steady trust.  And, I finally started to not just hear God’s voice.  But to listen.  Some….

It’s taken several years of me begging God to speak to me again.  I obviously don’t have the faith and strength of a St. Mother Theresa to simply continue without hearing His Voice to guide me.  And then I heard Him tell me through incredible recent events and prayer that “I am speaking, you need to listen”.  And this past year has been incredible for me.  I have heard God speaking to me so much more.  I have been more open to His Voice and have been surrounded by people who have helped me recognize and listen more to His Voice.  I have seen people speak with God in such an intimate manner.  And I am getting used to the sound of His Voice.  I now know that God speaks in so many ways, He doesn’t limit His communication to just His Voice.  He will use His Holy Word in Scripture, the Mass and Sacraments, my wife and friends….sometimes even strangers.

So, Monday night when we sang these words to God in prayer, “Here I am, Lord….I will go, if You lead me.”  I recognized God’s voice as He responded, “I will lead you”.  I know God has always led me and protected me, how can a loving Father do anything less?  And from this moment, rushed back the verse that meant so much to me in His first visit to my daughter, John 10:27 – ‘My sheep know My Voice, I give them eternal life”.  And this time I knew God was confirming this message for me.  At that moment, I could not help but grin ear to ear as I sang, “Here I am, Lord”.

We all need to lift our hands to Heaven and tell God, “Here I am, Lord…I will follow, if You lead me” and then trust that He is a Good, Good Father and THE Good Shepherd, He will always lovingly guide His flock…His beloved children.  We need to listen for God’s voice, be open to the fact that He is communicating with each of us and then once we hear it, get used to the sound.  To become like the sheep in the pasture – they know their shepherd’s voice, they listen and follow his commands because they trust him completely.  “Jesus I trust in You” should be our mantra in all things, because if the shepherd can be trusted by his sheep, how much more should we trust in God?  We know that God only has the absolute best in mind for us – Romans 8:28.