“Lord, never let go of me.” “I never let go of you, it is you who let go of Me.”
For the full story behind this reflection, see my book “I knew His Voice” available on Amazon – click here to be redirected (available in Kindle or paperback).
I reflect and pray upon that time ten years ago when I walked into that dark night. I had begged the Lord to heal my daughter. I prayed so many prayers. Yet, that February night, there she was in the ICU on a ventilator.
From earlier that evening and for the next several months, I walked through a night of darkness. It was as if the Lord had abandoned me because of my lack of faith.
But, the Lord answers me now as He did as that night became clear to me. As I began to notice the darkness around me, I cried out from my soul, “My Lord, why have You abandoned me?” And, Jesus replied, “I never left you, it is You who left me.”
The Lord promises to never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He is always true to His word.
If God promises to never leave nor forsake us, then, why would I have felt abandoned all those months? St. Ignatius would say if not due to strong sin in our life, it would be for growth. I guess either way, this sensation is for our growth. The Lord doesn’t do anything without a reason or for our good.
In retrospect, the Lord has made it very clear to me that He allowed me to walk through the dark night so that I would see how it felt to again be without His presence at my side as well as to help me learn what true trust in Him was.
I had walked so many years without the Lord. Then, for a decade, I had drawn near to Him but, I had become complacent. Maybe even somewhat like the Pharisee (see Luke 18:9-14). I had grown proud in my faith. As that pride grew, Jesus was pressed out. So, He took me back to the time when I didn’t allow Him near to see how far I had traveled as well as remind me how horrible that feeling is.
Have you ever wondered why Jesus didn’t seem close or why He didn’t seem to be answering your prayers? Call to mind Romans 8:28 and remember that even the darkness is at the Lord’s command. Lean closer into His chest, even if you don’t feel Him close at hand. He IS there. Always