“I can’t believe God loves me”
After all I’ve done, I can’t believe God would love me. After all I’ve done, I can’t believe God could love me.
The ultimate goal of the enemy in a soul. I’ve heard this too often, frighteningly often. Such despair of soul to even let this thought traverse your mind, let alone take hold as a belief. Too often I’ve heard, ‘my sins are too great. He knows them all. God can’t love me.”
The Prodigal Son felt the same way. He had committed the worst of sins – he wished his father dead, that he might claim what will be his. Wait! Wait! Isn’t that what we did?
“but they kept shouting, “Crucify, crucify him!” …. But they kept urgently demanding with loud shouts that he should be crucified; and their voices prevailed.” Luke 23:21,23
No, we don’t deserve mercy. Every sin, small or deadly, cries out “crucify Him!”
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
When the soul looks in a mirror, he sees nothing but his wretchedness. That’s when Jesus steps in. He stands between the Father and the soul who trusts in Him, that the Father sees the soul only through the wounds of Jesus.
“I saw a great light, with God the Father in the midst of it. Between this light and the earth I saw Jesus nailed to the Cross, and in such a way that God, wanting to look upon the earth, had to look through Our Lord’s wounds and I understood that God blessed the earth for the sake of Jesus…” Divine Mercy in My Soul #
It is into this deep darkness and despair of the soul which Jesus walks. He comes, hearing the soul’s sobs, seeing the soul huddled in the darkness of his sin, afraid to be seen. Jesus comes in this moment, lifts the wretched soul from the muck, throws His cloak around the soul’s shoulders and then, His arms, nail pierced, around the soul. Timidly at first, the soul wraps his arms around his Savior, burying his tear-filled eyes into his Savior’s shoulder. It is in this moment Jesus weeps, ‘My son who was dead live again.”
Honestly, though, when I look into that mirror or stand outside the confessional, meditating upon my sins, or gave at the crucifix, I often wonder the same. “I can’t believe God loves me”
The difference though, is that my heart is filled with the love of God. When I say these words, I say them in awe of God’s Divine Mercy. After all I’ve done (and do), how can You forgive me and love me (again). God’s answer is always the same – He points to the cross, “that is for you, My son.”
Oh weary soul, do not despair. The God of all creation came specifically to find you. He comes personally to find you. Despite your anger or despair, despite your habitual sin, despite even your hatred at Him, Jesus comes directly across the chasm to you.
“Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed. Save me, and I will be saved; for you are my praise.” Jeremiah 17:14