“I can’t risk going back to who i was before I met Jesus.” “I can’t break the chain of past sin.” “I can’t see how He could forgive me if I fail Him again.”
“I can’t” Two overpowering and crippling words. Two small words that can be devastating both physically and spiritually.
These two words shaped much of my spiritual life after I turned to God. I know who and what I was all those years before I found Jesus. All the tragic sins that blackened my soul with unremovable stains. I saw those same sins continue to rear their evil heads into my life after I gave my heart to Jesus. “I can’t” I would look at the man in the mirror and the Man on the cross, “I can’t see why You would do this for me.”
Then, at a men’s conference something a priest speaker said hit me. I can’t quote his words because it was more what was behind them in meaning that hit me.
Jesus forgave you, why can’t you let go?
Most souls don’t have a Saul moment in the desert from which they come out completely, radically changed. Changed so much that’s all they were and did before is gone forever. More are like me. More have that great epiphany moment with Jesus but still have to fight against the man they were. The habits and sin that formed us are not so easy to let go.
Why? Because there is a lack of trust. Maybe? A double edge blade in this concept. We lack trust, deep within, that Jesus could and would forgive us and forget all we were in the past. Because, we ultimately don’t trust ourselves. We fight and fight against who we were because we can’t trust that man is gone.
So, we defeat our own salvation and the power of God’s Divine Mercy by not letting go of the sin, of who we once were. Because, we can’t let this go, we forget or even begin to doubt God’s mercy and forgiveness in our life.
Well, we must move on. We must let go. We need to look up and look forward then, move in that direction. If we are going to accept His Divine Mercy, that acceptance must be absolute. Fall again because of old sin…get up, let it go, move forward.
It isn’t the haunting sin most times that drags us backward. 99.9% of the time it is the guilt which we can’t let go. That guilt burns our hearts and minds. It is that guilt that drags us back to that old man, that tragic sinfulness. That guilt is the weight that crushes us and weakens us to give into the doubts and again into the sin.
If you are this person, remember first and foremost that Jesus forgave you, He forgives you and will always forgive you. He doesn’t do this lightly or without cost. Look at the crucifix and see that cost. As the blood drops from His body, let the guilt drop from your soul. Focus upon that forgiveness. Focus upon His Divine Mercy. Remember this mercy is absolute and His love unrelenting.
Look into His eyes. Let it go. Use this season of Lent to let it go.
