“When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them” John 20:19
A prayerful exercise to try from time to time is to imagine the situation of the scripture you’re reading. But, more than that, put yourself in the situation – imagine the feel, the smell in the air, the emotions.
As I sit this morning meditating on this scene I put myself in the room. Everyone is scared and depressed. You can just about smell it in the air. The room is darkened, a single lamp burns fitfully in the center of the room. Looking around the room, everyone is huddled within themself.. Eyes are downcast, the hearts more so. Earlier in the morning, Mary came to tell the disciples of her encounter with the risen Lord. John and Peter witnessed the empty tomb themselves. But, still they were huddled in fear and still downcast.
Then, despite the locked door, Jesus is there. Those in the room are taken back, thinking it is a ghost (Luke 24:37). Jesus calms them and affirms it is truly Him in His resurrected body. “Peace be with you” John 20:19.
Overwhelmed and overjoyed, the disciples huddle around Jesus. But, two are missing from that huddle. Thomas is out in the city. Peter is kneeling in a dark corner. He wants to jump up and hug Jesus, say he is sorry for denying Him. But, Peter is afraid and ashamed. Tears in his eyes, he can’t overcome his shame despite his desire to run to Jesus.
The next week, Thomas encounters the risen Lord and makes his great declaration, “my Lord and my God” John 20:28. Peter still hides in the back of the disciples. His heart is crying out the same words he hears Thomas speak. His faith is absolute but his shame is stronger.
A few weeks pass. After another fishing failure, the disciples see Jesus on the shore. Peter’s heart overcomes his shame in a moment of excitement. But, once everyone is ashore, Peter slips to the shadows again.
None is what Peter is doing or feeling escapes Jesus. Now is the right moment. Jesus will have no more of this from His chosen leader. Time to remove the shame and let that faith shine fully. Jesus pulls Peter from the group, Peter is nervous but walks down the beach at Jesus’ side. He wants to ask forgiveness but shame is still there. So, Jesus takes the lead. “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” (John 21:15) Peter’s pride overcomes the shame, “of course I do.” Jesus takes Peter’s fear and shame away, turning him by his own words back to the faith hidden within.
Peter doesn’t doubt Jesus is the Messiah, His Lord and God. But, shame tries to bury that faith. We are often the same. Our sin, especially those repeated and repented time and again, strengthens the sense of guilt and shame. That guilt and shame keeps us from approaching the Lord for forgiveness and mercy. Jesus knows what we’ve done and where we are. He sees the tears and hears the cry of our heart as we huddle in the darkened corner. Jesus won’t let us stay there. At the right moment, He will call us to take a walk alone with Him down the beach. As the waves lap against the shore, Jesus will push through the shame and guilt, asking us if we love Him. Of course, of course and again of course. And, in that moment, shame and guilt are destroyed but the faith that is the foundation of our life and hope.
Don’t be ashamed. Come to Jesus, take the initiative. Ask for His Divine Mercy. It is yours to receive. Then, run back up the beach to your friends then out to all the world exclaiming, “MY LORD AND MY GOD!!!!”