Who I am is not who I was. Yet, Jesus knew me.
“The word of the LORD came to me, saying, ”Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. “Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.” But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “Now, I have put my words in your mouth” Jeremiah 1:4-9
To open my eyes to what He saw and always knew, Jesus brought to my life a beautiful woman. When we met I was a Catholic in baptism and confirmation only. I hadn’t followed God in many years. The only time I had prayed in the past decade was at my dad’s funeral. I was nothing in spirit. And, honestly not much more as a man. I was divorced and raising my three children alone. And, all I saw was a fake man. I had no confidence and no esteem.
Connie saw something that no one else saw, especially myself. Someone saw what my wife discovered. Someone saw what I had hidden deep within. Despite my perceived failings and lack of value, Jesus called me. He saw something deep and hidden within.
I remember the moment this realization came clear to me. I was speaking to our priest after Mass while my wife was taking to some of our friends. I don’t know what I said to illicit the question, but one friend said to my wife, “Ed speaks so well, so confidently.” “He wasn’t that way when we met,” she replied. Our friend responded, “what happened to change him?” My wife’s reply was simple, “he met Jesus.”
I look up and cry, “I don’t know what to think.” Then, Connie (and Jesus) respond, “then don’t.”
I am St. Thomas at heart and mind. I think and think and question always looking for proof. This need to question and tendency to overthink has led me to not seeing who I am. The key is to stop thinking and say yes, and do.
Do you know who you are? More importantly, do you know what God sees in you?
Looking in the mirror and seeing what God sees is not an act of reason. It is an act of faith.