These psalms really sum up my interactions with Divine Mercy
Psalm 4:7 “You have put into my heart a greater joy” and Psalm 89:24 “My faithfulness and My Mercy shall be with him”
That night when I knelt beside my daughter, not knowing if she would survive the night, was a period of great crisis of faith for me. Just hours before I had prayed in my daughter’s room, begging God to heal her. I remember the next discussion like it was just yesterday. I looked at my wife and told her that I was so afraid to lose Kristina. She replied, “Remember, Jesus said to trust Him. He will take care of her”. I told her, “I know, but …”, she just reiterated, “Jesus told her and you to trust Him, He is taking care of her”. I knew this to be true from the words He had spoken in His visit to Kristina, and from several times that I had heard His Voice telling me just that, even just the night before, but I couldn’t bring myself to let go. I told her again, “I know she will be ok, that if she closed her eyes now, she’d wake in Heaven gloriously happy, BUT I’d have lost her”. My wife again reaffirmed that simple trust is needed.
So later that night when Kristina went into respiratory failure, my weak faith shattered. I knelt beside her bed and cried out to God because I was so alone at that moment – no friends or family were there and I felt abandoned by God Himself. “O soul steeped in darkness..come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy” Jesus to St. Faustina (and me).
He knew though where my heart was and came to me through His Divine Mercy. That night, I now know, He was there in that room at my side, crying, not for Kristina, but for me”. St Faustina wrote in her diary Jesus’ words of how it hurts Him most that chosen souls don’t trust Him fully. He had spent so much effort to strengthen me and I let it all slip through my fingers.
But, He poured more Mercy into my soul in its dark moment and added to it all a new friend who took me under her wing and started rebuilding me in trust and faith. That night, I know due to St. Faustina’s presence, I prayed “Father, have mercy on my daughter, for the suffering Your Son endured” I repeated it over and over.
Two weeks later, Kristina was out of the hospital and home. I bought a new IPOD and the first APP I ever found was Divine Mercy. In that APP, I read the biography of St. Faustina and for the first time ever, I saw the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I had never before heard of St. Faustina, Divine Mercy or the Chaplet. But I came to understand that prayer of despair that night was my first Chaplet prayed. Over the next days the biography became very interesting and I considered purchasing the daily “Divine Mercy in my soul”. But, to buy a diary, well I wasn’t sure.
Within a couple weeks, I went to a Sunday evening youth ministry meeting, I was a volunteer. We talked in the library at the church. I leaned against the bookshelf, listening to the kids talk. I turned my head and there right at my elbow was “Divine Mercy in my soul”. WOW! I pulled it out and then after a quick scan, checked it out and took it home. The next evening I ordered my copy from Amazon.
Jesus knew I had a problem trusting Him, so He gave me St. Faustina and His teachings through her in a clear way that I couldn’t miss the message.
That summer and fall my faith and trust kept unraveling, but I can see that St. Faustina and my wife kept teaching me and keeping me close to God. So that in November at a team retreat, I met the mercy of God more deeply and intimately than ever imaged. Through a ‘simple’ visit to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, listing off my basic list of sins, Jesus spoke through the priest, telling me, “you have a trust problem, Ed” From that moment, God Himself started rebuilding my foundation of faith. Through St. Faustina and the Divine Mercy, He has made me strong!
So that now I can joyfully cry out that Jesus has put into my heart a greater joy because His faithfulness and mercy are with me.
I give You all the honor, all the praise, all the glory, I thank you Jesus for being so faithful in Your promises. For pouring Your mercy and love upon me in oceans of Divine Mercy when I was so far away.