“The abyss of my misery was constantly before my eyes. Every time I entered the chapel for some spiritual exercise, I experienced even worse torments and temptations. More than once, all through Holy Mass, I had to struggle against blasphemous thoughts which were forcing themselves to my lips. I felt an aversion for the Holy Sacraments, and it seemed to me that I was not profiting from them in any way. It was only out of obedience to my confessor that I frequented them, and this blind obedience was for me the only path I could follow and my very last hope of survival. The priest explained to me that these were trials sent by God and that, in the situation I was in, not only was I not offending God, but I was most pleasing to Him. “This is a sign,” he told me, “that God loves you very much and that He has great confidence in you, since He is sending you such trials.” But these words brought me no comfort; it seemed to me that they did not apply to me at all.” Divine Mercy in my soul # 77
At times, the truth can seem to be of little consolation to us. That may seem strange to say. But if we are honest, there are times when we suffer interiorly despite the fact that we know what we are feeling is not true. For example, we may KNOW that God is with us and loves us, but we may not feel that or experience that at one time or another. We may KNOW that God is in control of our lives, but we may feel like in our life He is nowhere to be found. This apparent contradiction between what we know and what we feel or experience can be hard to reconcile interiorly. But it is a grace to experience this apparent contradiction. It’s a grace because when we do not feel the presence of God or, even worse, if we feel like we have been rejected by God, we are given, in that moment, an incredible opportunity for holiness. Why? Because faith is not about feeling, it’s about knowing. It’s about knowing the truth in all things, believing that truth and living in accord with that truth despite what we may feel or experience interiorly. Though this can be hard to understand, it’s a truth we must believe and embrace if we are to grow in perfection and holiness.
Reflect upon the truths of our faith that appear to be in contradiction to what you feel. Which will you rely upon? That which comes through faith? Or that which directs your feelings? The best way to transform your misleading feelings is to make a profound act of faith in all that God has spoken and revealed. Make that act of faith and let God, in His time, redirect all that you interiorly feel and experience. Trust Him!
Lord, I offer You, this day, that which I feel and experience in my life. Specifically, I offer you (state an intention). Help me to rely upon You and all that You have spoken as my guide. Help me to allow Your truth to enter into my life and redeem me. Jesus, I trust in You.