“The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.” Luke 22:61-62
“He said, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” But they said, “What is that to us? See to it yourself.” Throwing down the pieces of silver in the temple, he departed; and he went and hanged himself.” Matthew 27:4-5
We’ve all been here in the moment of Peter and Judas. I know I have. Sin is a betrayal of God. Period.
Maybe as Peter, we are good, strong Catholics who would never betray Him – “I’ll never do that.” Then, we turn our eyes, forget His love and fall into sin. Or, as Judas, we see Jesus for Who He is, fully. We know Jesus is the Messiah and God. No doubt. But, the old me sneaks in slowly and I fall back to my old sinful manners. I lie, cheat and steal without giving thought that I am betraying Jesus. At least not until that moment when all the ‘little’ old me habits add up to a mortal crash.
The question in this moment is which way will you turn your eyes?
Peter is captured in the Gospels of Luke and Matthew (26:84-75) and Mark (14:72) in the moment of realization of his failure, his sin. His reaction is clear – ‘he wept.’ In all 3 of these recollections of this moment, Peter weeps.
Judas betrayed Jesus as well. Maybe he didn’t realize exactly what would occur. Maybe, Judas watched the High Priest and Pilate condemn Jesus or listened the crowd yelled for His crucifixion. Whatever the catalyst, Judas realized what he had done – he had betrayed his friend, whom he knew was the Messiah. We see this clearly as he repented and threw the silver at the feet of the priests. Then, he turned his eyes away from God and hung himself.
Jesus forgave Peter. Jesus would have forgiven Judas in a heartbeat.
But, Judas throwing the coins, turned and ran away from God’s mercy. To die, alone and desolate.
Peter turned his gaze and saw the loving eyes of Jesus, though he broke down and wept, he turned back to Jesus. And, depicted on John’s Gospel (21:15:19), he literally fought to convince Jesus (and himself primarily) that he loves Jesus. Jesus didn’t let Peter off the hook or pretend it didn’t happen – but, His tough questions of Peter were to draw Peter to fight for the forgiveness he didn’t know he deserved.
So, when you fall, fall really big, which way will you turn your eyes? With all my prayers and in every Chaplet of Divine Mercy, I beg that you always turn your eyes toward Jesus. There is no sin, ever, that is so bad that Jesus won’t forgive you. It may break your spirit and drive you to bitterly weep. You may find yourself having to fight yourself to convince yourself that Jesus loves you. But, He does love you and is ready to forgive everything.
Just turn your eyes to Jesus.